Happiness... what's the fuss?

I won't look for happiness.
Happy ending is a fairy tale. We'll end up dead anyway.

"Any day above ground is a good day" some say.

A good day, might not be a happy day.
But well... it's still much better than spending the rest of your "life" six-feet under ground.

I won't look for happiness.
Happiness is a temporary illusion. With a tear in the eye, there gone happiness.

For those who believe, the one, true, everlasting happiness will only be revealed in the afterlife..
(If you got lucky enough to go to heaven)

I will look for survival, the only thing reasonable above ground.

Perjalanan

Lagi-lagi, agak sulit untuk mencari padanan kata dalam bahasa Inggris yang sesuai maknanya dengan perjalanan. Trip, travel? Mungkin journey lebih sesuai, tetapi.. saya putuskan untuk menuangkannya dalam bahasa Indonesia.

Saya adalah tipe orang yang menikmati perjalanan. Untuk saya, tidak ada perjalanan yang terlalu lama, atau terlalu sebentar. Penikmat sejati, itulah saya.

Saya menikmati saat-saat menumpang kendaraan umum, berpapasan dengan ratusan orang di jalanan, mendengarkan alunan musik dari para pengamen jalanan di bus kota, melihat kelap-kelip lampu kendaraan dari atas jembatan penyeberangan, duduk di barisan paling belakang di sebuah metro mini... Memandang ke jendela, melewati ratusan rumah, gedung, dan ribuan orang lainnya dengan keunikannya masing-masing.. sambil sesekali tertidur pulas di tengah kemacetan..

Ketika mengendarai mobil... mendengarkan alunan musik dari radio, tape atau mp3 player... memperhatikan kemewahan lalu lintas Jakarta, menekan tuts handphone sambil ber chatting ria untuk menghindari kantuk... atau ketika menumpang kendaraan seseorang... enjoying each other's company..

Begitu pula ketika mendaki gunung... saya bukan summiter - istilah yang ditujukan pada para pengejar puncak - bukan pula pencari pemandangan. Saya menikmati perjalanannya... apa pun itu. Walaupun tidak dapat menuntaskan sebuah perjalanan dengan bertandang ke puncaknya, tidak ada waktu yang terbuang percuma. Untuk saya... It doesn't matter what lies ahead. What more important is.. How do we get there.

Sempurna

Coretan kali ini memang harus menggunakan Bahasa Indonesia. Entah kenapa, "sempurna" terdengar lebih 'dalam' dan lebih bermakna dibandingkan perfect, ideal, bahkan wonderful sekalipun.

Apakah keindahan itu sempurna?

Entahlah, saya tidak melihatnya seperti itu. Dari sudut mata yang sederhana ini, semua orang terlihat sempurna. Mulanya saya pikir, kesempurnaan itu "tercipta" mungkin karena saya sedang jatuh cinta. Yah... katanya sih cinta itu buta... ketika sudah putus cinta, barulah kita akan menyadari semua kekurangan seseorang yang sebelumnya kita kagumi. Tapi ternyata, pandangan saya tentang kesempurnaan tetap tidak berubah... Dengan segala kekurangan dan kelebihannya, mereka adalah sosok yang sempurna, tetap sempurna, baik sebelum, saat, ataupun setelah saya jatuh cinta.

Sempurna dengan segala kekurangannya... ataukah kekurangan itu yang justru menjadikan seseorang sempurna? Lalu... apakah tidak ada manusia yang sempurna ataukah semua manusia itu memang sempurna?

Entahlah, tapi... "di mataku kau begitu indah..." (Andra & the Backbone)

Belief

What do you believe in? the afterlife, God, the government, Darwin, or... Kamasutra?
..........................
Wiki says:
Belief is the psychological state in which an individual holds a proposition or premise to be true.
..........................
Belief is assuring something (including an imagination) to be true. In this case, physical evidence is apparently becoming more unimportant and logic itself is useless.

A state of true, therefore is relative by default. But belief, is absolute. 

An absolute state is absolute and yet, when connected with belief, we couldn't fight relativity. We couldn't fight an illogical illusion that was "meant" to be true.

However for some people, relativity is worth to fight. The idea of "true" hence becoming a trigger to drag the "true" illusion into the real world. In this state, something that actually logical is becoming irrational. The irrationality then proposed to be true. True is their irrationality, and it is absolute. Can we fight against this absolute irrationality?

My boss always says "I believe in Kamasutra". Let's see.. Kamasutra is logical, rational, true, and useful. Could it be the only single thing that is rational and at the same time, true? Thus it becoming absolute, a belief. Well... it is (might be) fun and I might find it peaceful.

Living Solo

A best friend once said,
If you like someone because of his/her weakness, it's empathy, not love
If you like someone because of his/her kindness, it's admiring, not love
If you like someone and you just don't know why, it might be love

(that might be true)

Someone other, well.... my ex said,
There's no such thing as love. In other words, love doesn't exist.
Love is just a man-made illusion, wrapped with chocolate and flowers.
When a man and a woman get together, there's no love. The sensation of falling in love came from a chemical reaction, that is... the need to reproduce.

(so.. this "chemical romance" between two "chemical buddies" might also be true)

What about marriage? Is it about love attached to a commitment, or the otherwise?
Why do people get married? "To reproduce" is such a silly thing to say, but that might be true.
Why am I not married yet?
...........................

Others would said,
Marriage is not about the right person, but it is about the right time.You will ended up being married if it is the right time. Err... yes, when the right time comes, you might also ended up marrying... the wrong person. Sucks isn't it..?

Here's to make it simple:
The right person + The right time = good marriage
The wrong person + The right time = bad marriage

And when is "the right time"?
Want to get married + Don't need to get married = wrong time
Want to get married + Need to get married = right time
Don't want to get married + Need to get married = might be the 2nd right time
Don't want to get married + Don't need to get married = be happy!

True, I've tried to drag myself into a 'commitment'. At that time, I wanted to get married (which girl doesn't?). But now, I realize that I wasn't even ready for it... far from good. Therefore, the theory of 'the right time' might also be true.

Some others might say that... When you're at the "right time", you might already find the right person. It kinda reminds me of a song lyric.. "love the one you're with...". It is amazing that for a number of people (in some cultures), love comes after marriage. The couple could even hardly known each-other before the wedding ceremony. Sounds pretty romantic. But dear God.. please just let me fall in love first.. and if it's not a sin to live solo, then marriage could wait, so.... skip!

September

It was about 1,5 years ago and I still remember that day when I ended up in a hospital, 3 am in the morning, alone. I could still easily gaze the parking lot, reception area, the emergency room... all were quiet. The ER doctor, still recognize how he looked but barely remember his name.. something with a B and an R, almost sounds like "Barry". A tall, (not handsome but) charming  guy, dark skin.. quite a good looking face. Could still be easily remembered how he came out of the emergency room, asking my father's relatives to come and see his condition. It was only me in the waiting room. I came across toward the door, following his steps, rushed facing a bed.

There, lay my father, surrounded by a female doctor who kept on pumping his chest and 3 other nurses strolling down between the beeping instruments. That "Barry" doctor dashed and taking over the CPR when saying something like "please take a look on how we've tried to save him". Several minutes later, he called his senior asking for an advice and then ordered a nurse to inject my father with more medicine. He jumped to the bed and took another CPR. At that very moment, I said silently, "dear God, I would trade anything, anything to bring him back". For a second, my dad's hand arose as if he was calling me. I came rushed toward him, his eyes were closed, but I said next to his ear "I love you Dad.." Still no sign of consciousness, they took another CPR for the next 20 minutes. I still stood there, facing the bed while in the end Barry said to me, "we've done the best that we could", exactly just like a line on a movie. I couldn't believe that he's already gone, I thrust Barry to say exactly what he meant. And just now, I hope I could say "Happy birthday Dad...".

Why "Forget Jakarta"

The phrase was taken from a song by Adhitia Sofyan, a beautiful one indeed. It reminded me on how I'd love to hate the city. I've never actually live in Jakarta, but that's "how" I live in. But wait... hate? How can you hate the city "how" you live in? BIG YES I CAN. Just until last year, I was still struggling to get right out of this GOD forsaken town. A nice job at a new place, in another part of this country, where no one's ever knew me before, starting from scratch, uhmm... Makassar, the fastest developing city in Indonesia, Balikpapan, or Surabaya sounds good. What a purrfect concept. But here I am, crossing over Jakarta, everyday just like any other normal people would do: 9-hour job, stranded with my feet "cuffed" on my desk while my thought on the other side of those walls. I'm still here, conscious but my thoughts are somewhere else.